Thin Line Between Stupid and Clever

Opining on Whatever

Hey Douchebag, Self-Checkout is Over Your Head

Douchebag, you need a cashier

I don’t know the person who invented the self-checkout but I am assuming this device was invented in order to allow customers with a select number of items to quickly pay and then exit a store without having to deal with cashiers who, 90% of the time, passionately hate their job.  Walk to register.  Scan your three items.  Pay. Leave.  Easy enough, right?  For most of us, yes.  For Idiot Douchebag, no.

These are the morons who defeat the very purpose of the self-checkout, because they NEVER check out themselves.  Without fail, a cashier must become involved, which inevitably makes the process 10x slower than it would’ve been had the entire procedure been left to a cashier to begin with.  Some moronic error is made by Douchebag which causes the checkout machine to go into an endless “please remove item” cycle of robotic noise.  This error could be quickly fixed, if Douchebag would remain calm and follow instructions, but this would be too difficult.  When the machine begins speaking, Dbag begins something equivalent to an epileptic seizure.  They will often re-scan the same item, remove all items from the scale, or in worst case scenarios, simple walk away from the machine with their hands in the air and an exasperated look on their face.  They then begin blaming either the machine, the store, or the cashier (who had nothing to do with the transaction).  Meanwhile, the hordes of normal humans continue to line up behind them.

This is where self-awareness should kick in.  If you arrived at the self checkout with no line, and then by the time you scan your four packs of Fruit-of-the-Loom tighty whiteys there are approximately 1343243087 people lined up behind you, you are not qualified to use the machine.  You may think you do not need a cashier, but you certainly do.  For the sake of all of us, please use one.

[image via Gizmodo]

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5 thoughts on “Hey Douchebag, Self-Checkout is Over Your Head

  1. James S. on said:

    Well said.

  2. Zackary P on said:

    i fell victim to a incompetent d-bag the other day. i almost lost it in the middle of kroger and smashed a pound of ground chuck in the guy’s face.

  3. agreed. it’s like the dumbasses that hit the 20 items or less line with 12 kids and a checkbook started migrating over to the self checkout. WRITE THE CHECK BEFORE YOU GET TO THE DAMN CASHIER…. and NO, 25 items is NOT acceptable.

  4. This post was sparked by the Ultimate Moron at Home Depot who somehow managed to screw up three separate check out machines. By the time his massacre was over, there were 4 different Home Depot employees involved and approximately 25 people in line. Almost took him back to the lumber section and strung him up

  5. Pingback: Boston’s AisleBuyer, a developer of smartphone-driven self-checkout technology for retailers, raises $4 Million « Hub Tech Insider

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