Thin Line Between Stupid and Clever

Opining on Whatever

There’s No Such Thing As the Fast Lane.

“THE LEFT LANE IS THE FAST LANE!!!  GET THE HELL OVER YOU STUPID STUPID PERSON!!!” 

How many times have you heard that, or seen it as a tweet, or status update, or whatever the hell we use nowadays to communicate.  Probably quite a few.  Well, turns out, it’s about as ass-backwards a thing as you can say.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I think most realize that you’re not supposed to hang out in the left lane, but by screwing up the terms, you’re not helping the problem.  

Okay, so once and for all – it’s the PASSING lane.

I’m not gonna break the physics down too much, partly because it’s 8:00 AM, but mostly because it’s unnecessary and I probably couldn’t do it anyway.  However, let me say this:  FAST is a relative  term.  If you’re hanging out in the left lane because you’re going “fast,” then you’re part of the problem.  So next time you roll up on an Ohio driver doing 71 and just chillin’ in the fast [sic] lane, please remember…  in their little buckeye-sized brains, they probably ARE going fast.

In conclusion:  pass the car in front of you, and get the hell back in the right lane.  Imagine if you’re viewing the road from above:  in a perfect little world, there’s one big chain of traffic, with an occasional person jumping out of line and leap-frogging the sunday-driver in front of him.  Can you visualize?  Just one steady stream, everyone working together, and being courteous enough to change lanes after they pass someone.  But, as with everything else, the 5% of people who are assholes, screw it up for the other 95%.

Now, a few more things:

1.  If you live in an area that has such a high density of traffic that both/all lanes of traffic are constantly filled, then you’re screwed, and ignore this post.

2.  Ohioans are awesome people, they just have small brains and don’t know how to drive.

3.  All you bastards hanging out in the passing lane are probably the same people who, when there’s a lane closure, try to drive all the way down to the barrels, and then tuck into line in front of 50 nice, decent people, who have waited their turn.  Dont you realize that your actions are what makes the traffic slow down in the first place?  STEADY STREAM, ONE LINE FOLKS.  Seriously?  Are we in kindergarten?  You have enough money to afford a 45k automobile but you don’t have the decency to not skip line?  Because, let’s be honest, that’s really what you’re doing – you just have a car, and door locks, and people aren’t able or willing to kick your ass (or wreck you).  Way to be a selfish (and cowardly), piece of shit.

4.  If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.

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5 thoughts on “There’s No Such Thing As the Fast Lane.

  1. Zackary P on said:

    you know what else really bugs me? people who pass you on the interstate, only to get in front of you and immediately take their foot of the accelerator and slow down…which forces you to try to pass them. what is that?!?!?

    • This is a popular strategy used by truck drivers in mountainous or hilly areas. Fly by you on the downhill only to then pull back into the right lane and go 50 on the uphill swing, Thus forcing you to pass them. I could kill someone every time I drive through Cumberland, MD.

  2. Oh, and that picture of The Eagles is perfect

  3. aaron b on said:

    yea i hear ya, it’s almost seems like some people think driving and their cars in general are their personal entries in some kind of male dick-measuring contest. We don’t give a shIT! just stay outta the passing lane… jackass.

  4. Unfortunately, your blog is not based on facts. You are correct that there is no such thing as a fast lane. Yes the outermost left lane is considered a “passing lane”. However, there are no physics involved. The passing lane is to be used to pass other vehicles who are driving BELOW the speed limit. For instance, if a driver is doing 50 mph on an interstate and the speed limit is 55 mph, other drivers can use the “passing lane” to pass them on the left. When you say “hanging out in the passing lane” I suppose that’s relative. How long does it take someone who is traveling 55 mph to pass someone who is traveling at 50 mph? To someone who is driving 10 or 20 mph above the speed LIMIT (“speeding” or breaking the law), I can see how that could be perceived as “hanging out in the fast lane”. So, drivers who are driving the speed limit in the “passing lane” are not bastards and the fact that they know the law and abide by it suggests that they are less likely to be the ones who “drive all the way down to the barrels”.
    I would suggest to this blogger and anyone else to do as I did and call your state police for an explanation of how to use the “passing lanes” in your state or jursidiction. They may tell you the same thing as the Corporal I spoke to told me. “Just maintain your speed and don’t let other drivers intimidate you.”

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