The Worst Movie Ever (Probably)
I’m not usually one of those people who can intentionally watch a terrible movie just to make fun of it. Only on very rare occasions will I sit through a horrible film just so I can mock anyone remotely involved with it, but that is exactly what I did about a week or two ago. The atrocious movie of which I speak is Rhinestone, starring Sylvester Stallone and Dolly Parton. If you’re unfamiliar with this holocaust of a movie, and I bet you are, then let me give you the gist: it’s a comedy about a country music star (Parton) who tries to make a country music star out of a New York cab driver (Stallone). I don’t want to spoil this epic masterpiece, but for reasons that you’ll have to watch the film to discover, Parton’s character persuades Stallone’s character to accompany her to the family farm in Tennessee so she can really educate him about country music. Hilarity does not ensue.
Oh don’t get me wrong, this flick is pretty damn funny, but not in the way the filmmakers intended. It’s like a couple of sixth graders wrote this damn thing. Rhinestone relies on every imaginable hackneyed stereotype about both New York and Appalachia, none of which are really true. When you watch this movie, you get the impression that the asshole(s) that wrote this garbage never spent any time in New York City or Tennessee.
I know this is a comedy, but that does not excuse Stallone’s horrible acting. The man does not do funny. Sylvester Stallone’s acting in Rhinestone makes Rocky V look like The Godfather. I could go on forever, but you should check out this piece of shit just so you can see Sly wearing several garish Country & Western outfits. You have to watch this movie. If you enjoy making fun of Con Air, then you’ll love ripping on Rhinestone. I guarantee it.